Shall I Go Up?
Shall I go up?
Poem by Cary Briel
Art by James Valvis
She went up the hill.
There is a question
as to whether
I motioned her up, or
youth implored her to run?
Loyal–
This describes
my friend before
she departed.
She was my brother.
Did you know that
lightning originates
from the earth–
not from the heavens?
It’s true.
But now, as I look
at her on the mountain,
I feel changed.
She’s beautiful
and comely–
There is a mountain
at my right hand,
and it’s a glorious
sight to behold
from the valley.
The birds find rest
in her branches,
and she is beautiful
beyond telling–
Her shade is safe.
The angels weep
in delight for my love.
They stand with their
toes in the fringes
of clouds and watch.
She has put on her
wedding dress, and
has fixed her hair so–
She’s fixed her eyes
to let in the light.
The scent of her
breath is like the dew
of the morning–
a cool breeze
that rescues me from
the heat of the sun.
Shall I go up
to my Bride
who stands, brilliant,
on the mountain?
-refers from the phrase “golden marriage” in the fiction piece Golden by Dawn Corrigan
Scot Siegel
June 22, 2010
This is great. I like “Her shade is safe.” I also admire your artful dodge of the potential cliche in the second to last stanza. I am glad you remained in character, romantic, and did not go glib on us. This poem sings.
jessiecarty
June 22, 2010
We will call Cary the artful dodger of poetics
Who will be Oliver Twist?
Cary Briel
June 23, 2010
Thank you, Scot, for your very kind and thoughtful words. I’m happy that you feel it sings!
Jessie, like the Oliver Twist “artful” connection.
jessiecarty
June 24, 2010
You are extra welcome Cary
Jim Valvis
September 11, 2010
Cary, a super poem. Musical. Favorite lines?
She’s fixed her eyes
to let in the light.
Cal Nordt
October 8, 2010
I love this poem, Cary. “Her shade is safe.” Something about that phrase that’s unique – love it. I thought lightning was a mutual attraction, scientifically, not metaphorically.
Seriously, always thought it was a spontaneous connection between two charged points, not from either to the other. OK, OK, I have to say it…like love? Should be? Haha, usually isn’t… Hmmm. Also, lightning isn’t safe.
Jim Valvis
December 23, 2010
Wonderful poem!
jessiecarty
December 23, 2010
And love the discussion going on here